How to Handle Seeing Your Ex with Someone New

Practical steps to manage emotional reactions and shift the focus back to your own healing and happiness.

Seeing your ex with someone new—whether it’s expected or catches you off guard—can be one of the most emotionally challenging moments after a breakup or divorce. It can stir up a mix of feelings, from sadness and anger to unexpected relief. Even if you’ve moved on, this moment can bring back old emotions or trigger new ones.

The key to handling this situation with grace and self-respect is preparation. You can’t always control when or where you’ll run into them, but you can control how you react. In this blog, we’ll explore practical strategies to help you navigate these moments with confidence, composure, and emotional strength.

1. Expect It to Happen – and Plan Ahead

One of the best ways to prepare for an unexpected run-in is to anticipate that it will likely happen at some point. Whether it’s at the shopping mall, a mutual friend’s event, or a school function, being mentally prepared can prevent you from feeling blindsided.

Use the “Mind Movie” Technique

Visualization is a powerful tool. Take a few minutes to imagine how you’d like the encounter to go.

Picture yourself:

✅ Remaining calm and composed.

✅ Speaking (or choosing not to) with confidence.

✅ Walking away feeling in control of your emotions.

By mentally rehearsing your response, you give your brain a sense of familiarity with the situation, making it easier to handle when it actually happens.

2. Have an Elegant Exit Strategy

Not every encounter requires a conversation. If you’re caught off guard and don’t feel emotionally prepared, it’s perfectly okay to leave. Having an exit plan allows you to protect your energy without seeming flustered.

Practical Exit Strategies:

🛒 In the supermarket: Politely nod or smile, then continue shopping as if you haven’t got time to stop. If needed, step into another aisle and give yourself a moment to breathe.

🏫 At a school event: Keep interactions child-focused. If small talk happens, stick to neutral topics. If you feel overwhelmed, excuse yourself to chat with another parent or grab a coffee.

🍽 At a social event: A simple, “Nice to see you, I’ll let you two enjoy your evening,” before walking away is enough to maintain dignity while setting boundaries.

Remember, an exit strategy isn’t about running away—it’s about choosing when and how to engage.

3. Managing the Emotional Shock

Even with preparation, emotions can still hit hard. A sudden rush of anger, sadness, or anxiety is natural, especially if your ex moved on quickly. The goal isn’t to suppress these feelings but to acknowledge and regulate them in real-time.

Quick Ways to Ground Yourself:

🫁 Breathe deeply: A slow inhale through the nose, holding for a few seconds, then exhaling slowly can reset your nervous system.

🤏 Use physical grounding techniques: Press your fingertips together, rub a smooth stone in your pocket, or focus on the sensation of your feet on the ground.

💭 Repeat a mental mantra: Something like “I am in control of my emotions” or “Their actions do not define me” can help reframe the situation.

4. Social Settings: Handling Mutual Friends and Public Encounters

If you and your ex share a social circle, mutual friends may expect you to interact. This can be tricky, but setting internal boundaries will help.

What to Do:

✔ Keep interactions short and neutral – polite but not overly friendly.

✔ Avoid discussing the past – no need to bring up the relationship or ask about their new one

.✔ Steer clear of gossip – if a friend tries to stir the pot, redirect the conversation.

A simple, “I hope you’re doing well” before moving on is often enough to acknowledge them without inviting deeper conversation.

5. When Kids Are Involved

If you co-parent, running into your ex with their new partner can feel even more complicated. The most important thing? Keeping your focus on the children.

How to Handle It:

👶 Stay child-centered: If your kids are present, keep the interaction focused on them rather than your emotions.

🏡 Model healthy behavior: Even if you're hurting, showing kindness and maturity teaches your children resilience and emotional intelligence.

🚫 No negative talk: If emotions bubble up, save venting for a trusted friend or journal—never in front of your children.

6. Protecting Your Energy Afterwards

Even if you handle the situation well, you might feel drained or emotional afterward. That’s normal. Give yourself time and space to process your feelings in a healthy way.

Ways to Regroup Emotionally:

📝 Journal about the experience – getting your thoughts on paper can help you make sense of them

.📞 Talk to a friend – venting to someone who understands can ease the emotional load.

🧘 Use calming techniques – meditation, a short walk, or hypnotherapy can help reset your mindset.

Most importantly, remind yourself that this moment does not define you or your healing journey.

Seeing your ex with someone new can feel like a punch to the gut, but it doesn’t have to unravel your progress. With the right mindset and strategies, you can handle it with grace, dignity, and emotional strength.

Remember:

✔ You have control over how you react.

✔ Their new relationship does not define your worth.

✔ Every time you handle these moments well, you take back your power.

Healing isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about building a future where you are at peace, no matter what happens.

If you're struggling with emotional triggers after divorce, I can help. Book a one-to-one coaching session to gain clarity, strength, and strategies tailored to you.